In this article I’d like to share with you some steps for taking back at least some of the power we mistakenly believe we’ve given away.
Start by identifying just one of your pet peeves. Pick a person, behavior, situation or circumstance that you really get upset about, or that “hurts your feelings”. Other people’s behavior is a popular category for pet peeves. Spouse—current or former—can usually be counted on to provide excellent pet peeves. Of course there’s the ever-popular category of “other drivers”. So pick one of your personal favorite pet peeves, since it represents an exception you’re making to The Rule.
Step Two: Identify the Feelings You Have When You Encounter Your Pet Peeve
I’m actually skipping a step in the sequence, but it’ll make sense when we get there. For now, describe the feelings you experience when you encounter this pet peeve. Do you become angry, frustrated, anxious, resentful, indignant or any combination or variation thereof? Remember, it’s these emotions that make this pet peeve a pet peeve, right? If you didn’t experience negative emotions it wouldn’t be a peeve. Here’s another important fact about our emotions: they’re the factors we use to evaluate the quality of our days.
Step Three: Identify the Thoughts You Choose to “Fill the Gap”
Finally, let’s go back to the step I skipped, the one that connects the event (pet peeve) with our emotions. You see, there’s a gap between our perception of the event and our feelings, and we fill that gap—we connect the event to our feelings—with our thoughts. The outside event is a trigger, but it doesn’t trigger our feelings, it triggers our thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings.
So for this step, simply describe the thoughts you routinely have about your pet peeve. Since you’ve identified this event as a pet peeve, you’ve probably encountered it many times, and what that means is that the thoughts you have about it are probably automatic. In order to accurately identify those thoughts, you may have to replay the event in your mind or step back from it the next time your encounter it.
Remember, the feelings you have about the events in your life are only symptoms. Your thoughts about those events are the cause, and since you’re trying to improve the quality of your days (your life), the only way to make real progress is by focusing on the cause.
For more information or to book Jim Bearden an Austin motivational speaker, to speak at your event, click here.
As he addresses Leadership & Personal Accountability –Jim Bearden, CSP speaks from experience. From college class President to Marine Officer to President of the Bearden Resource Group, Jim has been leading people for over 40 years.
A decorated Viet Nam veteran, where he served as a Marine rifle platoon and rifle company commander and earned the Bronze Star Medal with Combat V for Valor ,Top Sales Producer for the Texas Raydio Group, Corporate vice president, author of a definitive book on individual & organizational success, The Relentless Search for Better Ways and, his most valuable learning experience, the father of 3 children.
Jim has been a full time speaker for 20 years. He has been active in the National Speakers Association as President of his local chapter, NSA Member of the Year and earned the prestigious CSP Distinction. During these 20 years he has also been a VP of Strategic Development for an International Consulting Corporation. As an active author, Jim has written over 300 articles published in his own and other publications. His current, highly popular book, The Relentless Search for Better Ways, about achieving individual and organizational success, is in its 2nd printing.
